The Everyday Fiance - Archives

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 Comments (0)

F-Day

What ever happened to that boy with the kind eyes and charming smile? The one who would offer hugs for no real reason, and friendship without expectations.

How was I to know that he would be gone? But really, is that any excuse for the lapse in contact and words left unsaid? I sit here remembering someone I once knew, while regretting the loss of a friendly stranger.

The past few days have flown by, yet no knowledge or understanding has come from the passing hours since I found out he passed away on Monday morning. It still shocks me when I think about it, just as it did when I first heard the news.

I wrote this on Monday, but it still sums up how I am feeling:

Sometimes, it is so hard to be so disconnected from Valdosta, especially in times like these. I cried a bit. I haven't talked to him in so long but there is always comfort in thinking or knowing that everyone is alright. When something happens to shatter that security, it is devestating and mind-numbing. It is a harsh reminder that yes, we are mortal, and age does not prevent us from even the worst. I, of all people, should know this, yet it is easy, and perhaps more pleasant to forget the consequences of living.
I don't understand death, and I suppose no one really does. The fiance says that without death, life wouldn't be precious, and I understand what he says, but it offers no comfort for me.

It is sometimes daunting to know that I am so young, and that this is just the beginning of a series of deaths in my life. Just when you start to forget that life can be cut so short, it has a cruel way of reaching out it's long, dark, tenticle and slapping you with a reality check.

I know I have no right to be upset since I haven't talked to him in so long, but sometimes that only worsens the pain by adding regret.

I've just been reading C.S Lewis which is like a salve to wounds, but sometimes, like salt, too.

Today is the funeral. Many, many people will gather in a small church in Hahira to wave their official goodbyes, and to extend condolences to his little sister, parents, and extended family. I can't be there, but I suppose, in truth, neither can he.