Monday, September 19, 2005 Comments (4)
How to Meet People?
I moved to North Georgia about 5 years ago, but just recently moved to the Chattanooga area. It's a sad tale I tell, but I will tell it nonetheless:
I basically attended the same school, with the same people, until I graduated, with the exception of a one-year stint at a private Christian school. Fortunately, for me, I had lots of friends and never had to do that whole "meeting people" thing. If I didn't know you, then at least you knew me, and I knew someone who knew you, and it made for easy conversation.
Fast-forward to modern day:
I know no one except my roommates, my fiance, and his family. Despite the strong background in theatre, I've grown shy and cold and am now basically a recluse. My self-esteem has dwindled to, let's see...zero, so I'm a little weird and awkward around people I don't know. I've never been in this situation until I graduated high school, and luckily, working for large companies since then has afforded me somewhat of a small and unrewarding, but decent, social life.
Now that I work in an office by myself, and with one other individual (my boss), I'm basically back to square one. I do keep in touch with some of my ex-co-workers, but they've all recently gotten married and had kids, so our lifestyles are a bit different these days. I go to college and have met a few folks there, but my classes are small (I go to DSC), and it seems as though everyone is either fresh out of high school (younger) or going back to college after working for 15 years (older). Age isn't that big of a deal, but I suppose frame of mind is. In short, I haven't found anyone I can really relate to. I don't drink, I don't party, but I sincerely don't mind hanging out with those that do (although I can't say I'd ever ride with a drunk driver). I do enjoy going out, going downtown, I like music, I like movies, I like politics, I like to be silly and just have a good time. I am a Christian, and while I would enjoy getting together with Christian folk, it's not a requirement to be friends with me (I know that some folks only like to hang out with people that are Christians, I'm just not like that, sorry). To illustrate this, I'll just say that I've had great friends from all backgrounds and all walks of life including a lesbian best friend and a Thai boyfriend. Honestly, it just doesn't matter much to me.
Now, this is where my Christian readers are going to ask whether I go to church, and probably suggest I go to church to meet some good Christian souls. That's all fine and great, and to be honest, I've thought about it, but there are a few problems with this:
1. Going to church to meet people seems like a really disrespectful idea.
2. I've always felt weird at church. I won't dismiss the fact that it could be entirely based upon the churches I've been to, and I'm open to try new things, but I also don't want any pressure.
3. I've never been to a church that shared my same beliefs and core values. Most of a church's beliefs are really in-your-face concerning political issues, and since this is where I tend to disagree with 'fundamental Christians' this makes for some hard friend-making.
So, how do transplant Chattanoogans, or people in general, meet people without going to a bar? Any help is appreciated.
Comments
as far as churches go, you're very welcome to come to St. Elmo Pres. we've got lots of young families if that's your thing. I've heard lots of good things about North Shore Fellowship as well.
but I agree that your primary motivation for attending church should not be to meet folks (I'd say it should be to worship God together as a body).
I'd say that applies to many organizations, and not just churches. I met most of my friends through (surprise!) activist groups, and while most of the political organizations I belong to welcome everyone who wants to help, there's a general assumption that most people are there to make a positive change in the world, not just to meet people and make friends (that's just a wonderful byproduct).
I think in there is your answer, though, Beth. Get involved in something that reflects who you are, and the friendships will follow. Go to church, get involved in local politics, take a pottery class, volunteer at the Hunter Museum or the Aquarium, join Big Sisters/Big Brothers, build houses with Habitat for Humanity, join a bookclub or a garden club, hang out with the knitters at Genuine Perl, prepare meals for Food Not Bombs, make jewlery and sell it at a craft fair, paint sets at the Theatre Center... whatever it is that gets your blood going is what you need to be doing, and the people you find there will probably end up being your friends.
Being a working mom doesn't leave much time for friendships, so I can tell you this- it takes work. I committed to be more intentional with one friend this year and it has paid off well. Regardless of where you meet your friends (most of mine are from college and stayed here) you still have to reach out to keep those friendships going.
Thanks for the advice, all. Good advice all around, and thanks for the invite, Bob.
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