Thursday, July 28, 2005 Comments (1)
How to Deal with Contempt?
I hate how I feel lately. I'm pretty much disgusted with one of my friends and I don't know how to get past it. Their general attitude lately has been pretty crappy, and I can't say that I've responded well. I pretty much respond with a childish remark or negativity.
The truth is, I hate to have my feelings hurt. I don't deal with it well. I mean, who does like to have their feelings hurt? No one, I'm sure. But, I kind of retaliate with a vengance, and I really make a point to drive it home.
So, lately, a friend of mine has done a complete 180. That's cool, whatever. Everytime I breathe the wrong way, make a suggestion about something, give my opinion, or just try to talk to them, I get told how I'm such a negative individual, how I don't want my friend to have someone (which is a laugh, I have urged this friend for months to find a companion), I get criticized for how I try to bail us out of a pretty tough situation - the list goes on and on. To be honest, I've come to the point where I absolutely can't stand being in this individual's presence. I have such contempt for them, that I get headaches when talking with them - not just headaches, but migraines.
At one point, it bothered me that my friend would create such a strain on our friendship without even thinking about it, and that they would continually just push me aside whenever we were trying to deal with our issues or whenever I presented my case. I won't say that I present my hurt in the most tame fashion, but I think it is pretty evident that I was basically calling out, "fix this, we're friends."
I think the most mind-boggling thing is that my friend conciously ignores issues, not really because can't emotionally deal with them, but mostly because they don't want to deal with them - because they're too busy doing "more important" things.
So, now I see this person in a different light and I'm disappointed. Is this who this person really is? Someone that is completely content with constantly talking down to their friends? Someone that lies to their friends about everything imagineable? Especially friends who seem to have the individual's best interest in mind, and has had the individual's best interest in mind for months.
As they once said to me, "you sure know how to pick 'em."
How the heck do I deal with this? I'm to the point where I can't say that I care so much anymore about our friendship - I'm not even sure if it's salvageable, or if I want it to be. But what I do know that I want peace, and I want to be able to be in the vicinity of this individual without feeling pure contempt.
Comments
I have to say that I can empathize. Have you seen the Station Agent? It is a great film, and I love the way the characters deal with relationships. It's a good example for a world that is messed up, where EVERYONE, is going to let each other down, and what to do. Parents, siblings, co-workers, SPOUSES, they are all going to fail!!! It sucks to be let down, I just have to remember that I too will let others down, and why and how would I want them to react. If you see the movie or have seen the movie, please let me know what you think! Cheers.
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